When will my angry phase fizzle?

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Well, here I am! I have joined a group that I hope can help me and in turn, allow me to help others. I know that everything in life happens for a reason, and that everything is meant to be. That is sometimes difficult to understand, but I am repeating it to myself daily!

Anyone who has been through a divorce knows that even if the two parties are ready for it, one will be hurt more than the other. It's inevitable. For instance, my now ex already has a child on the way with a girl he got pregnant before our divorce was final! So, that fact has greatly altered the civility with which I had handled him before I found out about the pregnancy. He can't seem to understand why this has upset me! More importantly, WE have two children that this greatly affects.

So, I am trying to not let it bother me, but this situation is a bit Days of Our Lives for me! I have told me kids it's ok to like this new girl, and have really tried to stay positive, but boy is it difficult! I have lost my temper at times!

I always try to do the right thing, and I am hoping for some good karma to swing back around my way. Has anyone else felt the Jeckel and Hyde routine when trying to smile for the kids while secretly hoping he gets audited, or that his apartment floods?

Ok, seriously! When will this angry phase fizzle?

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Comment by Jennifer Crook on May 27, 2008 at 6:45pm: Thanks Staci! I knew we met for a reason! I hate to sound whiny because I am normally not. I know you're right and I say the same things to myself, but sometimes you need to hear someone else say them to you! Thanks again....

Comment by Staci Wallace on May 27, 2008 at 12:00am: Jennifer...First, let me say "Welcome" and I am SO glad you are here. You are such an amazing writer and a gift to this world. I know that your life, and your life experiences will make you such a powerful source of hope and inspiration to others in the future.

Sometimes, it's hard to go through life's nastiest circumstances and "feel" OK. The bottom line is that divorce hurts. Adultery hurts. And hurting people....hurt people. That is one reason why there is so much strife and anger in this world. So many of us walk around hurting due to our past and therefore, we end up hurting others.

Knowing that you are obviously a kind and tenderhearted woman who doesn't want to be another statistic of anger due to a "man done me wrong" story, this is your chance to flip the switch on life. Don't get bitter.....get better. Sounds easier than it really is because getting better means letting go, forgiving and keeping your eyes on the ONE who holds the key to your best days ahead. (That's God, in case I lost you there.)

Like you, I, too, went through divorce. I remember those emotions of wishing bad things on him. I wished he would hate life without me, cry miserably at night in longing anguish for me. I would even find myself driving down the highway having conversations with him like he was in the car. And boy were those conversations good.

The problem was this: Those conversations, the anger, the resentment and the unforgiveness never got me anywhere. They only caused my heart to race, anxiety to increase, my blood to boil and my attitude to suffer.

I realized that by letting him continue to hurt me, I was losing at life. My battle wasn't with him....my battle was with ME. I had to get control of ME and my emotions, my thoughts, my attitudes, my heartache, my unforgiveness, my fears, my lack of confidence, my anger and so much more.

My pain became a disease of ME. I was consumed with how "circumstances" were affecting me, my future, my family, my career, me...me....me....me... You see the problem here.....His poor choices and desire to abandon me had suddenly become my sin, my mistakes, my pride and my own failures. I allowed him....to change ME.

When I realized that, although I may not be able to change him or our circumstances, I COULD change ME. I could get closer to God. I could become kinder. I could choose to forgive. I could believe in my future and have faith in God's plan for my life. I could see the cup half full and trust that my best was yet to come.

A few minutes ago, I left a comment for Christy on her blog about feeling down on herself for being overweight. My suggest for you is the same as her. You MUST change the voices in your head. What you listen to now will determine your breakthrough tomorrow.

Many women only listen to the voice of their emotions and therefore end up bitter, angry, hardened, and disillusioned at how life had done them wrong. That will not be you. Instead, I believe, at this very moment, you will silence that voice and choose to listen to a deeper part of your being. That part is called your spirit. It is the part that tries so deeply to connect with God in times like this. It the part of you that wispers, "It's OK. Everything is going to be just fine. You are beautiful. You are so talented. Your best is yet to come. God has a plan in all this. Hold on....don't give up. Be kind. Forgive, just as you want God to forgive you. Let go and watch how God handles this for you."

Read my comments on Christy's blog. Get the teaching "Embracing Change". This is a huge season of transition for you and the voices you listen to now will determine the results of life you will see in the future.

For now, stop and take a big breath. Go ahead...do this. Take a big breath. Close your eyes and breath in goodness. As you take a big breath, imagine inhaling God's best for your future. When you exhale, imagine releasing every bit of venom, anger, unforgiveness and bitterness that has been bottled up inside you.

Do this ten times. Inhale God's goodness....exhale toxic emotions.

When you feel your blood begin to boil or those negative thoughts of anger coming in...stop and do this little exercise.

God is not finished with you yet. Pray to him and trust him with your whole heart in this season. Let me know if you listen to the series, "Embracing Change". I firmly believe it will be like good medicine for you right now. Send me your thoughts and if you want to chat more....I am here.